Silence...

I can hear the deafening sound of loneliness shouting at me):

Yero-it-it-sikik-sikik
(zero-eight-eight-six-six)

Yesterday, I gave myself the right to be disappointed. Gypsie, a classmate of mine way back second year high school met me somewhere in Pasig so we can talk about her proposal to teach English to a set of Korean kids. I felt somewhat interested so I went and grabbed the opportunity. Anyway, I was thinking this could be a great start to my aching plan of life's major overhaul.

Kevin, the korean who tied up with Gypsie about the entire business seemed to be a kind, smiling guy. It was about five o'clock in the afternoon when I got to talk to him for some sort of interview about myself. Did I make a mess out of it? When I explained things to him I saw puzzled looks left on his face. Maybe because according to my friend, his English fluency isn't that polished yet making him unable to understand me well. ):

Everything ended up with Kevin wanting me to e-mail him my resume (resum as what he pronounced it). There was a tinge of reluctance on his face. The resume thing is still on hold until I get further notice from Gypsie. When I went home, I've got a strong feeling I wouldn't be able to get the job. I was also unsure if I still want it anymore. Disappointment clouded my head although I know I wouldn't be feeling this longer since I find it hard to understand how they pronounce words. At this point, I don't want another stress-inducing job since I intend to fix and heal my wounded emotional aspect. Well, don't get me wrong. I can still manage to handle other kind of pressure and stress but not able to understand Koreans at their first stroke of words is way too stressful on my end since this work requires me communicating with them everyday.

I woke up today feeling a bit of disappointment still but rather thinking that this job is not tailored for me. It's not just meant for me.

Media Suicide

I don't know what went to his mind when Arroyo agreed to do a lIve interview with mareng winnie and igan. The interview had been so transparent to show how his stupid reasons left him dead and humiliating in front of taxpaying filipinos. Ill-gotten wealth is really unexplainable. We should understand why he made a total mess out of this interview. HAhahaha! Indeed, Arroyo's corrupt doings made them richer and richer while majority of the Filipinos become poorer and poorer. Our sacrifice is their gain. They teach us to do some belt-tightening habang nagpapakasasa sila sa pera ng milyon-milyong mamamayan. Thank God, we're wise enough to know. Salamat sa interview na ito.

Ilang bahay pa nga ba meron sila sa ibang bansa na nakatago sa pangalang Arroyo?

I hate Cakes

My friend told me that there's something special about cakes during birthdays. She said, it's the fancy of believing to what they call "ONe candle, one wish.." I couldn't almost relate to the feeling she shared since I hate cakes no matter how beautiful it present itself...anyway, some people made me feel like an icing melting to a bunch of thoughtful thoughts friends baked for me...Here's something that refreshed me after a night of stressful phone calls that always keep coming...

-----Original Message-----
From: "Nicethor Baltazar" <nicethorbaltazar@yahoo.com>
Sent 9/9/2009 9:29:23 AM
To: "Rhods"
Subject: HAppy Bday!!!

Rhods,

Happy bday to u.

Thanks for being there always.

......as a a good friend

.....as an editor..lols.

dami ko natututunan sa u as a writer...specially now binabalik ko na pagsusulat ko through my blog. hope di ka magsawa magedit. nyahehe.

...ingats always! God bless u always

-----------------------------------------------------

One candle, one wish..is it true? I don't know...but someday, in my wishful thinking, I dream of spending the rest of my birthdays with someone who will feel lucky enough for celebrating such a special day with me...someone happier than I am. Maybe, I would love cakes then.

One night of Danger

I never knew the feeling until I witnessed it last night. Horrifying...I left my house around 12 midnight, sleepy and still feeling tired since working graveyard is so stressful. I took a jeep going to Guadalupe. It was not an empty ride. There was a middle-aged woman embracing her bags put on her lap. She was sitting right across me. I remembered even passing her "pamasahe" to the driver and even asked, " sa tulay po kayo?", she shook her head. "sa west lang ako.."West Rembo, for those so many who are not familiar with the place, is just so near where i took the jeep...

Along Pembo, there were 2 guys who took the same jeep where we were in. Ung isa nakasabit while the other one was sitting just an elbow beside me. Well, yeah. I usually sit middle of the jeep but last night, since ayoko mag abot ng pamasahe sa driver dahil super haba ng jeep, I intentionally sit beside that guy...my bag with my jacket clung to it was placed on my lap handsfree.

A few Blocks just before the middle-aged woman took-off the jeep...I don't know....but I instinctively grasped my bag and placed it on the left side of me..opposite that pretentious guy sitting right next to me...and then.."para! para! Para! sigaw nung guy na nakasabit. And then all of a sudden, when I turned my head right of me, the guy beside me incredibly nabbed the middle-aged woman's bag in a jiffy..The snatcher ran fast the narrow street and gone...totally eaten whole by the darkness..The woman was almost in tears. I had goosebumps all over me. Shocking!

Unexplainable...It was as if I had a telepathic mind that night. I realized how lucky and Loved I am. God never failed me in those times that I am unawarely needing His presence. Amazing. He's always right on time. Have I done something good to be blessed with such protection and care? Maybe. I don't know. I just realized that there were unseen angels around us sent by Him to keep us safe.. and the only way for us to send thank you is to be good in His eyes. Wonderful.

The night has pangs, it surfaced dangers. I learned that it would always be better to be keen and observant of the things and people around you. Maybe, next time I would go to work far earlier than devil's time. Our safety is something God wants us to be enveloped with.

Last night was one of those days when I could say that I have fully seen HIm. After all, that woman could have been me.

Evanescent

It is because of you why I am acutely aware of how unhappy I am...:(

Strum

"I just want to go there and hug you..." for a moment, i feel like a melting ice that succumbs through the warmth of something which I can't yet find a name for. I dont know how to call it...i mean, the feeling that sends shiver down my spine...so vague yet it's there. Words come so unexpectedly and when he uttered it, i notice my feet floating above the clouds. blissful. I could almost hold happiness at the palm of my hand. It is his sweet gentle fingers strumming my heart.:)