Parking Lot

Almond eyes in maroon sedan

Mystic glances from a fetching man

Indeed, he left totie the knot,

How I used to love the guy in the parking lot.

Broken Thoughts

Over lunch yesterday, I had time talking to a friend about how unfair and aweful love is. Well, not specifically love but the effect it has on women and the terrible pain guys caused girls. I dont know. It just came out of my mouth. The fries-dipped-into-sundae moment was not that comforting at all. it was bitterly tasting especially if you were seated amidst a happy crowd, galavanting like there's no tomorrow. urgh!

Relationship, love, guys. Seated a table apart from us are lovers..girl walked out from a guy after dealing with pettish (I assumed) bickering...fretting. Girl masquerading that familiar post-quarrel look. The guy remained seated useless of his possession of a human heart. I guess that was how a conversation with my friend started. Then I started blabbering. I remembered how Dj Gino told on air that guys want to dialogue...always want to dialogue. There was uprising within me. of course, the dj was just totally favoring his co-monkeys. Coming from a past non-closure relationship, I could attest that I've provenly tested immature monkeys who always bang the door as if they were never inside it. I detest John Gray for making us believe that men wants to talk it out at the right time with the right attitude, that men are just focused with coming up with solutions instead of dwelling with a broken barrow. I have waited, cried, fret, pushed, insisted. I got tremendously tired and then labored again for another phase of monotonous waiting, until one day, I managed to move on with disappointments that I have gotten so familiar with little by little. Where have all the guys went when atomic bomb exploded?!

I guess, women are stupid by nature. We know certain things will hurt us but we go ahead aiming what complicates life. Unreluctantly, we shrugged off the idea of pain. We live and entertain all kinds of feelings for the sake of that damn masochistic idea of being more humane. Women are submissive stupids, vulnerable, fragile, emotional. Men are real whores who submit in lying for the major times in their existence. Perfectly insensitive. There are times I am confronted with a mirage of William Parrish in front of me, telling me that "Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived." or at some point, I get so blank thinking...wondering if ever we would ever stumble with someone who will care for us the way we wanted to be cared for because the truth is it is difficult to find.They are rare and more often than not, you can just find them in a well-directed film. Bad:(

So to speak, I am besieged with all the feelings in the world. The kind when you have believed you a're okay for the longest time, having tete-a-tete with indifference and then suddenly that floodgate of emotions that you have been trying to resist had opened. My mind signaled a hault but my heart is but a fool that can hardly stop doing things it wanted to do. I really hate this feeling of being emotionally ached because out of somewhere, I can cry and then there is this literal heavy heartbroken pain right in my chest.

I am lonely, drowning in the deepest meaning of the word and I can't swim. I am in pain. Shouldn't the world stop?:(